Kids don’t learn about peace by singing about it. Kids learn peace skills by having problems.
My mentor Jan Waters taught me that. Kids also don’t learn peace skills by coloring “Friends” handouts or by signing their names at the bottom of school “no bullying policy” forms. It’s more complicated than that. Learning strong social and communication skills is a process. It involves boundary setting, empathy, courage, problem-solving, emotional acceptance and positive assertiveness.
Simply put, peace takes practice. It’s conflict that gives kids the opportunity to practice.
Sometimes we focus our efforts on preventing conflicts from happening. But kids desperately need to encounter meaningful conflicts during their day. (Ex: he’s got the green marble – I want it!). Here’s why your child benefits from conflict:
Face conflicts directly Teaching children conflict mediation means they understand they have to speak directly to the person they have the problem with. Hollering “mom!” or “teacher!” isn't going to solve their problem. A supportive adult can be by their side to offer guidance and moral support, but kids need to learn early on that they must face the other child directly. That’s the beginning of solving conflicts.
Cope with negative emotions Conflicts bring out rage, jealousy, frustration, sorrow, all sorts of negative, hard-to-take emotions. That’s what’s so wonderful. Children need practice understanding and processing these difficult emotions. Knowing how to express anger appropriately is an enormous life lesson for every one us.
See things from another perspective The process of conflict mediation involves deep listening. What does the other person think happened? Could there be another point of view? The ability to see things from another perspective (“I didn't like it when you knocked over my tower.”) is part of how moral development unfolds.
Make courage a habit Dealing with conflicts instead of dodging them can become a habit, especially if we start young. Face it, speaking up and expressing the wrong you feel can take a lot of courage. Practicing this courage regularly makes it easier.
Know when to speak up This is a fundamental part of learning about conflict. Recognizing when we feel wronged, hurt, slighted or simply icky about something. “Did you like what she did? No? Well, tell her!” Kids need conflict to understand when they don’t like something and when to speak up and put a stop to someone else’s behavior. Kids who feel confident about speaking up when they don’t like something are also more apt to speak up on behalf of a friend.
Peace isn’t the absence of conflict. Peace is the respectful resolution of conflict.
Conflicts are part of the daily life of being human. So the next time a conflict comes up, do your best to view it as an opportunity. An opportunity to practice peace skills, the important work of conflict mediation.
Written by the amazing Heather Shumaker.
My mentor Jan Waters taught me that. Kids also don’t learn peace skills by coloring “Friends” handouts or by signing their names at the bottom of school “no bullying policy” forms. It’s more complicated than that. Learning strong social and communication skills is a process. It involves boundary setting, empathy, courage, problem-solving, emotional acceptance and positive assertiveness.
Simply put, peace takes practice. It’s conflict that gives kids the opportunity to practice.
Sometimes we focus our efforts on preventing conflicts from happening. But kids desperately need to encounter meaningful conflicts during their day. (Ex: he’s got the green marble – I want it!). Here’s why your child benefits from conflict:
Face conflicts directly Teaching children conflict mediation means they understand they have to speak directly to the person they have the problem with. Hollering “mom!” or “teacher!” isn't going to solve their problem. A supportive adult can be by their side to offer guidance and moral support, but kids need to learn early on that they must face the other child directly. That’s the beginning of solving conflicts.
Cope with negative emotions Conflicts bring out rage, jealousy, frustration, sorrow, all sorts of negative, hard-to-take emotions. That’s what’s so wonderful. Children need practice understanding and processing these difficult emotions. Knowing how to express anger appropriately is an enormous life lesson for every one us.
See things from another perspective The process of conflict mediation involves deep listening. What does the other person think happened? Could there be another point of view? The ability to see things from another perspective (“I didn't like it when you knocked over my tower.”) is part of how moral development unfolds.
Make courage a habit Dealing with conflicts instead of dodging them can become a habit, especially if we start young. Face it, speaking up and expressing the wrong you feel can take a lot of courage. Practicing this courage regularly makes it easier.
Know when to speak up This is a fundamental part of learning about conflict. Recognizing when we feel wronged, hurt, slighted or simply icky about something. “Did you like what she did? No? Well, tell her!” Kids need conflict to understand when they don’t like something and when to speak up and put a stop to someone else’s behavior. Kids who feel confident about speaking up when they don’t like something are also more apt to speak up on behalf of a friend.
Peace isn’t the absence of conflict. Peace is the respectful resolution of conflict.
Conflicts are part of the daily life of being human. So the next time a conflict comes up, do your best to view it as an opportunity. An opportunity to practice peace skills, the important work of conflict mediation.
Written by the amazing Heather Shumaker.